Just Come Home at the End of the Day
by Littleoblivion
Summary: When Emily and JJ are attacked in their home, Emily is left with nothing but memories of the past, a painful present, and an uncertain future. Will they be able to find strength in each other or will it all prove to be to much? Jemily, TW for assault, hate crimes, and rape.
1. Now: February 12, 2017

**(Hello everyone! I've been absent for several months, my bad. I have no good excuses, just a horrible muse haha. But, I'm hoping that by giving in and starting this story that's been kicking around for a bit that I can get my muse's ass back in gear. I'm still hoping to work on both Americana and The To Do List.**

 **This is a Jemily story. It's going to be really dark (If that's a shock to you, you've clearly never read my writing before, welcome lol) It's going to flashback forth between now and then, and I'll do my best to mark each chapter appropriately.**

 **Props as always to Courtney.**

 **I hope you enjoy! Leave me a review letting me know what you think.)**

The television in the corner of my room was playing one of the cheesy morning shows. The hosts playfully bantered back and forth about their rival basketball teams. The air smelt like it always did in hospitals; of stale air, of plastic, of an absence of life that always ends up being equated with death.

A nurse was standing beside my bed, taking my temperature and making sure I hadn't pulled my IV out of my arm. She was humming a melody under her breath, something that sounded like a hymn I had heard in my youth but I couldn't remember which one. There was something… soft about her. I found myself ridiculously hoping that she would give me a hug. I just wanted someone to hold me close and tell me that everything would be okay.

"Ms. Prentiss?" I looked up. A man was standing in the doorway, a jacket folded over his arm. "May I come in?"

"Depends. Who are you?"  
"I'm Detective Cantor. I'm with the San Antonio Police Department." I gestured with my free arm and he stepped inside. He drew a chair closer to the side of my bed and took a seat. He looked every bit as tired as I felt.

"How are you doing?"

"We can skip the pleasantries."

"I'm sorry?"

"Tell me, which unit do you work for?"

"I'm with the Central division."

"That's not what I asked."

"Then what are you asking?"

The nurse finished and we both watched her leave the room. "Are you here with the hate crimes unit? Or assault?"

"I work with the Special Victims Unit. We handle human trafficking, family violence, sexual assault-"

I held up a hand. "I get it."

We both sat in silence for a moment. Finally he cleared his throat before leaning forward. "In the aftermath of… events like these, time is of the essence. It's important-"

I gave a humorless laugh. "No offense, but the idea of you lecturing me about police procedures is hilarious. I was a federal agent for years, I know what's important."

"Then you know I need to talk to you. Especially since we can't speak to Jennifer."

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. Just her name made my chest seize up with pain, made it feel like I would never be able to breathe properly again.

"Have you seen her?" My voice came out in a broken whisper that I hated myself for. "The doctor said she's in the ICU but they won't let me go up to visit her. And I would go anyway, but…" We both stared at my leg, encased in a heavy plaster cast and propped up on pillows. "I'm stuck," I finished lamely.

"Yeah, I went by her room."

"How does she look?" He hesitated. "Just tell me. I… I know it's not good."

"It's… she looks pretty bad. Lots of bruising and swelling."

"The doctor said that her brain was swelling, so they had to… to induce a coma." I took a shaky breath. "It… should only be for a few days."

"Unfortunately, we can't wait a few days. We need to know what happened so we can catch the person responsible, before someone else is hurt."

"You mean, before they strike one of the other gay couples in San Antonio?"

"So you think it was due to the fact that you're gay?"

I pushed my hair out of my face. "Well, I don't think it was because of our landscaping."

"Why do you think that?"

My emotions were running to close to the surface to push them down. "Because it's what makes us different! Isn't that always the case? People want to write off their bias as religion or patriotism but it always boils down to fear. Fear of the unknown! It's all just fear and hatred! Hatred just because we… we…" The anger seemed to be choking me, making my chest heave even as I struggled to breathe. The monitor to my right began to beep and the nurse came rushing back in.

"She can't handle this right now. You need to come back."

The cop stood up. "I need to ask her questions-"

"I understand that, but her body isn't up to the stress of this. You can either sit out in the waiting room or come back later. It's your choice."

"I just- okay." He raised his hands then turned back to me. "I'm going to let you rest. I'll be back in a few hours."

I didn't respond, my hands pressing at my chest. Why was this happening? Why me? Why JJ? What had we ever done to deserve this?


	2. Then: March 11, 2015

**(Here we go! The first flashback! Let me know what you think!)**

Then: March 11, 2015

I eyed the house as I got out of the car, looming at me from behind a massively overgrown tree. The grass on either side of the weathered sidewalk was brittle and dry, overrun with weeds in some places. The siding had probably been white at some point, but years of brutal Texas sun and torrential rains coming from the gulf had left it closer to gray.

Our real estate agent came around the car. "Now the thing to remember about this listing is location, location, location! Properties rarely become available in Five Points, and especially not of this size!"

"When was it built?" JJ asked.

"1946. Construction started as soon as the original owner returned home from Germany. It's still owned by the same family!"

"Why don't they want it now?" JJ gave me a look but I felt like it was a fair question.

"Well… It was being inhabited by original owner's daughter, up until her having to move to an assisted living facility in 2002. Her sons had both moved from the area, and neither were looking to relocate back to San Antonio. So they put the furniture in storage and left the house alone. But she passed away this winter, so they've decided to sell. Let's take a look inside!"

We followed Suzie up the short sidewalk to the covered front porch. I scuffed my toe on the green polyester cloth someone had covered the steps in as she unlocked the door. I followed her and JJ inside, but stopped just inside the door.

"Oh my god."

"Now as you can see, some kids have gotten into it since it's been vacant, but the thing to remember is that the foundation and the plumbing and electrical- the stuff that really matters- is in wonderful condition. And even though some repairs are going to be necessary, it just means that you two will have the opportunity to truly make this house your own! And the owner's sons are looking to get rid of it quick so it's priced far below market value!"

"Is this the original staircase?" JJ ran her hand along the banister.

"It is! Made of…" Suzie flipped quickly through the file in her hand, "Mahogany."

"Em, can you believe this?"

I couldn't stop looking at the spray paint adorning the walls, the crude drawings and graffiti. "No, I can't."

"Hey." She grabbed my hand and I looked down at her. "That can be painted over."

"But… look at the floors! This carpet is absolutely disgusting. Who knows what all is living in it."

"The original hardwood floors are underneath, they should be in something close to pristine condition," Suzie quickly supplied.

"Look at that staircase. Look at the windows! We would have so much natural lighting, we would never need to use the overhead. Which, actually… would be a shame, look at how beautiful the fixtures are." She pulled me so that we were both standing beneath what was admittedly a beautiful glass chandelier.

"Originals!" Suzie chirped. "But wait till you see the rest!" She led us through a formal dining area, a kitchen with more cabinets than our meager cooking skills would ever require, and a bedroom on the main floor with an attached bath. She took us upstairs and into the first bedroom. I recoiled in shock.

"What the-" We could see that his room had once been covered in a floral wallpaper. However, it appeared to have been clawed from the walls, baring the wooden planks beneath. "Did someone die in here?!"

Suzie gave a breathy laugh. "No! No, this is just an example of wallpaper aging not quite so gracefully. But on the positive side, that just means that it'll be easier to remove what's left and put up some hard wall!"

I was beginning to tire of her continuously optimistic view, but bit back a snarky reply. "JJ." I approached where she was looking out the window at the backyard with it's sparse, yellow grass. "This… This isn't for us. We don't have the time, and neither of us know the first thing about remodeling a house."

She quirked an eyebrow at me. "Speak for yourself. Not all of us grew up in the cultural elite, y'know. I spent more summers than I can count working at my dad's hardware store, and I helped out when my grandparents remodeled their old hunting cabin. Plus, with the price of living being so insanely low here, we could hire professionals for most of it. And… we have time. Or at least I do." She met my eyes for a brief second before I had to look away, my stomach aching with something close to embarrassment.

"But… do we really need a house this size? I mean, what are we going to do with four bedrooms?"  
She smirked and wrapped her arms around my neck. "We'll fill them with babies."

I gave a snort of laughter. "Honey, I know you went to public school, but I thought you knew that we don't really have the right equipment to be making babies. Although," I pulled her a little closer. "I'm not opposed to giving it a try." I started to bring my lips to hers, but was interrupted by Suzie delicately clearing her throat.

"We still have… two other bedrooms on this level, plus a few other properties to see this afternoon. It's best if we keep… pressing on!"

I pulled away from JJ, upset at myself for flushing in embarrassment. We knew that while we had enjoyed a predominately accepting community on the East Coast, relocating to the South would be significantly less liberal.

Suzie led us through the rest of the house then back down to the car. "So, what are you thinking?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think it's right for us."

"Emily." I turned to look at JJ. "Why not?"

"I don't… Why not go for a home that we can move into straight away? Something that isn't going to require months of work and who knows how much money?"

"But… just imagine." She turned me so that I was looking at the house, her chin perched on my shoulder. "Picture it with new siding, maybe sunshine yellow or a light blue. And grass growing, maybe some flowers planted by the porch steps. Imagine getting to come home from work to me, and Sergio, and yeah, maybe even a few kids, and knowing that this is our house. Our little piece of history, right here in the middle of San Antonio."

I groaned and turned back to look at her. "Well, that's not fair. How am I supposed to argue with that?" I took her hand. "Are you sure about this? I'm going to be useless. I can't even hang a picture."

She smiled. "I'm sure if you're sure."

I gave her a quick kiss, not caring that it was probably making Suzie very uncomfortable. "Okay."

"Okay?!"

"Okay!"

She threw her arms around me with a squeal and I laughed, hugging her back. I pulled back and looked at Suzie. "We'll take it."


	3. Now: February 12, 2017, afternoon

**(Back at it with Chapter three. I would love to hear some feedback on what you guys like! Leave me a review!** **)**

Now: February 12, 2017

Once my breathing slowed and the white hot panic ebbed from my body, I had fallen back asleep. I woke several hours later to a new nurse checking my vitals.

"Look at you, sleeping beauty. You missed lunch."

I licked my dry lips. "I'm not hungry." I was telling the truth. A heavy weight was residing in my stomach, I really couldn't imagine ever being hungry again. It seemed like sitting on the couch with JJ, eating warm blueberry muffins as we watched the morning news, had been a lifetime ago. Had it just been this morning? Or maybe the morning before. I realized that I actually wasn't sure what day it was.

"You need to eat something. Your body needs strength to heal."

"How is my wife?"

"Doing her best to heal. I suggest you do the same, and at least try to eat." She pulled the tray of food closer and I looked over the bland, pale food with disinterest.

"She's right. You need to eat." I looked up to find Detective Cantor standing in my doorway again.

"I can't have you coming in here and getting her upset again. The last nurse said-"

"It's okay," I cut her off. "I need to talk to him." I didn't want to. I wanted to pretend like none of this had ever happened. But I knew the best thing for JJ was to talk, to tell him what I knew.

"It's really not advisable in her condition," the nurse argued.

"I'm fine."

She gave me a hard look then shook her head in defeat. "Okay. But just for a bit, you need to take it easy. And when I come back, some of that food better be gone!"

I nodded and she picked up a stack of charts. She began to walk out of the room but stopped to point at Detective Cantor. "Take it easy. If she gets upset, then stop and push the call button." She brushed past, shutting the door behind her.

"The nurses here are something else." He sat down. "You're really feeling up to this?"

"No." He glanced up at me. "But I know it needs to happen."

He took out a note pad. "How did yesterday begin?"

"That depends. What's today?"

"The twelfth."

I cleared my throat, trying to shift higher in the bed. "It was a normal day. I woke up a few hours before my alarm but I couldn't go back to sleep, so I decided to make breakfast for JJ and me."

"JJ is what you call Jennifer?"

I nodded. "It's what everyone calls her. Her mom will sometimes call her Jen or Jenny, but to everyone else it's just JJ."

"What did you make?"

"Blueberry muffins. They're her favorite."

"Then what happened?"

I shrugged, wincing when the gesture caused the dull ache in my shoulder to flare up. "We ate breakfast. Got ready, then I went into the library."

"The library?"

"That's where I work."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "I thought you said you were law enforcement."

"I was. I worked for the FBI in Quantico. That's where I met JJ."

"Why did you leave?"

I kept my eyes trained on the TV, which was now showing old reruns of I Love Lucy. "Just… wanted a change of pace."

He sighed. "This will go much quicker if you're honest with me."

My eyes cut over to him. "It doesn't matter. I left the FBI in the fall of 2014. I was offered a position at Trinity to work in their library on campus."

He stared for a moment. "You moved across the country to start in a brand new field?"

"I don't see how this is relevant."

He looked back down at the pad. "So you went to work. What did JJ do?"

"I…" I closed my eyes, thinking hard. "She left for work too, but she was only working a half day."

"Doing what?"

"She handles marketing for the McNay Museum."

"Why just a half day?"

I fiddled with the edge of my sheet, biting my lip as I worked to compose myself. "We… we recently decided to try adoption. We had a, a meeting with a social worker coming up, a home visit, so Jayje was only working part of the day so she could get a head start on baby proofing the house."

"So she would have gotten home at what, noon?"

"Knowing JJ, probably closer to two. She throws herself into work and loses track of time."

"And what time did you get home?"

"Nearly ten thirty."

"Is that your normal time?"

I shook my head. "No. I'm almost always home by six, five thirty if traffic isn't bad."

"Why were you late?"

"We had an event, a speaker from the science department. The woman from my office who was supposed to moderate had to go home sick at the last minute, she has strep."

"Did JJ know you were going to be late?"

I sniffed. "She… I meant to call as soon as Monica went home, to let her know that I was going to be late but then the speaker called and I got distracted. So I didn't call until almost eight."

"What did she say?"

"She didn't answer." I finally looked over at him, and could see that he was thinking what I was, that we both knew exactly why JJ hadn't picked up the phone. "I figured she was mad that I had waited so long to call," I told him, my voice breaking. "She hates stuff like that. So I left a message, and I… I went back to work. I didn't give it another thought."

"You didn't know. You couldn't have."

I nodded then gave him a sarcastic smile. "But I could have called again. I thought she was mad, and I wanted to avoid a fight, so I left a message. If I had called and she still wouldn't have answered, maybe I would have known that something was off and gone home right then-"

"Don't go down that road. Life is full of ifs. Beating yourself up over them won't change what happened. Now, what happened when you got home?"

I took a shaky breath. "I came in through the front door."

"Was it locked?"

"Yeah. We always keep it locked, even when we're at home."

"What did you do?"

"I… dropped my stuff on the kitchen counter. Dinner was still in a pan on the stove, which was weird."

"Why?"

"It should have been in the fridge. Even with me being late… it should have been in the fridge."

"So what did you do?"

"I called JJ's name. She didn't answer, but I knew she was there, her car was outside. I… thought she was maybe asleep? So I stopped calling for her. I went in our room but she wasn't there. So I went upstairs and…"

"Take your time."

"I pushed open the door to the guest room… and I saw her." Tears began to slip down my cheeks. "There's a metal bed frame. We go it at a garage sale last summer, it was only twenty dollars. And she, her hands were tied to it. I don't, scarves or something. And there was duck tape over her mouth and her face was so swollen, she was bleeding and her skin was already beginning to darken in some places. But she, she looked right at me." I pressed my hand to my eyes. "She looked at me and I could see that she was scared and in pain." Detective Cantor didn't say anything, instead sitting in silence as I surrendered to the raspy sobs tearing from my throat. After several minutes I was able to pull myself somewhat together and he offered me a tissue.

"Who else was in the room with you?"

"I…" I forced myself to shut my eyes and think, to remember. "There was… on the bed. On top of her. And then someone standing further back in the room, by the closet door. And then someone stepped right in front of me."

"A man? Or a woman?"

"A… boy," I breathed. "He was young, high school aged. But seeing him so close, it, it shocked me enough to move. And he tried to hit me but I dodged and ran backwards out of the room."

"You left?" I slowly looked at him. "That's not… I didn't mean that it like-"

"I was scared," I snapped. "There were people in my house an I knew I needed to call the police but my phone was downstairs."

"Of course. I'm sorry." I took a slow sip of water. "What happened next?"

"I made it to the middle of the stairs and I felt someone push me. I fell over the railing, that's when I broke my leg, it snapped when I hit the ground. But I… I knew I had to let someone know, so I somehow just stood up and hobbled to the front door. I got it open and just… screamed. I screamed until I started to see lights turn on. I saw the door open across the street and I heard them thunder down the stairs behind me, they were talking."

"Can you remember what they were saying?"

I shook my head helplessly. "They were panicked. Just that they had to go, the police would come, they had to go. And then the backdoor… and then Mr. Boyd from next door was there. And I told him to call 911, that JJ was hurt, and then… it all went dark."

Detective Cantor nodded, looking over his notes. "So there were three attackers?"

I nodded uncertainly. "I think so? That's all I saw."

"And did you see any of their faces?"

"The third one, the one who stepped in front of me."

"Do you think you could work with a sketch artist?"

"I can try."

He put away the notepad. "You did a great job. I'm going to be coming back to talk to you with questions as you remember more, but I'm going to let you rest." I nodded and he stood up, shaking my hand before walking towards the door. "And Ms. Prentiss?" He turned to look at me. "You did the right thing by running downstairs. Otherwise you wouldn't have alerted your neighbors and you and your wife probably wouldn't have been found for several days, and it would've been too late." I nodded slowly and he let himself out. I leaned back into the pillows, letting my tears come.

The nurse came back a few minutes later, shaking her head at my disheveled state. "I knew he would get you all worked up again." She went about checking my machines then rested a hand on her hip. "Now are you going to eat something? Or am I gonna have to put a tube in your nose?"

I slowly reached out and picked up the fork, spearing a soggy carrot and bringing it to my mouth. She watched as I slowly chewed and swallowed before patting me on the leg. "There you go. One step at a time." She turned and left and I glanced out the window at the endless blue sky. How was JJ doing? When would I get to see her? Would we ever be okay?


	4. Then: May 28, 2011

**(Hiiiiii. It's your girl. I'm sorry.**

 **To be fair, I had written part of this, and then my computer was taken out of service by a rogue cup of coffee and I lost all of my documents because I'm an idiot who doesn't back anything up. I thought this was gone, and ended up catching the bug for a few other stories, leaving this one on the shelf. But THEN I found a draft in my email, and it gave me some inspiration. So here's the next chapter!**

 **Also I changed the name of the story. Because why not.)**

Then: May 28. 2011

The fact that Hotch had given us Memorial Day weekend off was unbelievable. The fact that he was actually able to follow through on it was nothing short of a miracle.

One of JJ's cousins had gotten engaged a few weeks earlier, so the entire family had been invited out to the lake house to celebrate both the holiday and the engagement. In the few years we'd been dating I'd only met the whole clan a few times, but I liked being around them. As an only child of two only children, my upbringing had been quiet, consisting of near silent dinners and lonely school holidays. The Jareaus were the complete opposite: always in motion, loud and messy, yelling on top of each other. They were quick to fight but even quicker to make up.

We were all sitting on the dock in lawn chairs, sodas and beers warming under the late summer sun. Her cousin Kirsten was perched on her new fiance's lap, both of them smiling widely as they recounted their engagement story.

"…and so I kept dropping hints. I'd leave out bridal magazines, point out rings in jewelry store windows, tried to get him to spend more time with my dad-"

"Y'know, real subtle," Jake cut in. Everyone laughed and he kissed her cheek. "And it's not that the thought wasn't there, I was just more than a little nervous about asking Ernie for his blessing. I just had this vision of him clocking me in the face before I even had the chance to finish asking."

"Oh he's not that scary!" Kristin giggled, slapping him lightly on the shoulder.

"Maybe not to you!" he retorted.

JJ took a swig from her beer bottle. "Uncle Ernie's a big softie. All bark and no bite."

Suddenly the man was standing beside her, his linebacker frame looming over her. "Listen to this one! She gets a fancy government job and a gun and suddenly she ain't scared of no one!" But he smiled good naturedly as he pulled lightly on the end of her long blonde ponytail.

"Well anyways I finally decided I couldn't wait any longer and that I would ask him when I went out on the boys' trip to Lake Erie. So we've been there a few days and Ernie says he needs to go out and check the jug lines to see if we caught anything overnight and I volunteered to go with him. We get out on the water and I screw up my courage and ask him-"

Ernie cut him off. "Or he tried to anyway. He was stuttering and sweating like he'd been accused of a crime."

"But I finally spit it out, and… nothing. He didn't say a word, just kept pulling up the jug lines. And I'm getting really antsy, and finally I stand up and yell 'Can I have Kristin's hand or not?' And at that moment, he pulls up the last jug line and what must have been a forty pound alligator gar."

Everyone began to laugh, but no one harder than Ernie, who was now hanging on to the back of JJ"s chair in an effort to stay upright. "It gave me quite a shock but from his reaction you would have thought I'd pulled a real gator into the boat."

Jake held up his hands. "My life flashed before my eyes. I thought I was a goner."

"Wait, I don't get it. What's an alligator gar?" I asked.

One of the other cousins, Erin, gave a visible shudder. "A horrible looking thing. Looks like a cross between an eel and an alligator. They have these nasty, sharp teeth, it makes them look like something out of a nightmare."

JJ took my hand. "They're called living fossils, and they live up to it."

Her mom leaned out the door. "Alright, dinner's ready! Everybody come eat!"

Everyone got to their feet and began to make their way inside, but I was struck by a thought. I grabbed JJ's elbow and held her back.

"What's up?" She asked once everyone had gone inside.

"If… someone was wanting to propose to you, would they need to ask for your dad's blessing first?"

Her eyes grew wide. "What?"

"Y'know… I mean we had very different upbringings, so I hadn't really thought about that aspect. But… is that something that's important to you?"

"Are you asking me to marry you?"

"No!" Her look of shock quickly changed to one of hurt and, strangely, disappointment. "Not that I don't want- I just-" I took a deep breath and took both of her hands in mine. "That's not what's happening right now. I do… very much would like to marry you, but I have no plans to ask you while we're both wearing bug spray and flip flops." Her face relaxed and she smiled.

"I don't… I'm not as traditional as Kristin. You don't need to ask my dad's blessing, and I don't think he's expecting you to. The only person you need to ask is me." She took a step closer and brought her lips to my ear. "But just for the record, I very much want to marry you too."

It felt as if an electric current ran through my body, leaving me tingling head to toe. I pulled back to look in her eyes. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She pressed a soft kiss to my lips. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else."

"JJ! Emily!" One of her younger cousins, indistinguishable from the rest with her white blonde hair and tanned skin, was leaning off the porch, clutching one of the columns to avoid falling. "Aunt Sandy says there isn't gonna be any food left!"

"Alright, we're coming!" JJ yelled. She took my hand and began to lead me towards the house. I couldn't suppress the silly, lovesick grin growing on my face. I wanted to marry Jennifer Jareau and amazingly, she wanted to marry me back. If I played my cards right, I would get to spend the rest of my life with this woman.

I was the luckiest woman in the entire world.


	5. Now: February 13, 2017

**(We're back in the present!)**

"Alright Mrs. Prentis… Everything seems to be on the road to healing. We'll give you one more check up this afternoon, but I think you'll be discharged after that." The doctor looked up from my chart, adjusting his glasses. "Do you have any questions?"

"Can I see my wife?" The words left my lips before he could finish speaking. He gave me a small smile.

"I think we can get that arranged; I'll speak to the nurse. But only if you agree to go in a wheelchair and let the nurse push you. Putting too much stress on your body will only keep you here longer."

I hated the idea of having to rely on nurses to get around but pushed that aside. I would do whatever was necessary to see JJ. "Okay."

"Anything else?"

"Do you-" I stopped myself.

"What's that?"

"I was, well I was going to ask if you knew if it's possible for me to return to our house. But… I know that won't be happening for a while."

He gave a jerky nod. "Probably not, no. From the extent of your injuries, and from Jennifer's, I can only imagine that the crime scene-"

"Yeah. I know."

He let out a low sigh. "I'm sorry. Sorry that this happened to you, I mean. I'm sure after everything that's happened that it doesn't mean much, but I am. This isn't… whoever did this doesn't speak for San Antonio."

My chest ached with the weight of my unshed tears. "Thank you," I whispered.

He gave a small, awkward wave with my chart then left my room. I stretched towards my bedside table with my good arm, grimacing when the movement made my shoulder ache. I managed to grab the cup of water and bring it to my mouth, sipping greedily as I realized just how thirsty I was.

Waves of exhaustion rolled through my body. It wasn't even lunch and I already wanted to go back to bed. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that this was perfectly normal response to both injury and trauma, but I hated it. I hated feeling this weak and helpless.

I had finally been able to gather my wits enough yesterday to get word to JJ's mom about what had happened. Not that I'd had the words to explain everything, just that we had been attacked and Jayje was in a coma. She'd immediately booked airline tickets for today, she and JJ's aunt would be in this afternoon. I'd also called my mother in Berlin, waking her up in the process. She was also trying to get back, but it would take her a bit longer.

"Emily?" I hadn't even realized my eyes had inched closed until I had to pry them open. A nurse, Esmerelda if I remembered correctly, was standing in the doorway with a wheelchair. "If you're too tired, I can come back in a little bit."

"No!" I struggled to sit up a little straighter, fighting to keep the grimace of pain off my face. "I'm ready, I want to go."

"Are you sure? If you need to rest-"

"I'm fine," I interrupted firmly. "I need to see JJ."

"Okay." She helped me do the painful, clumsy shuffle out of the hospital bed and into the wheelchair, my plastered leg propped straight out in front of me. She steered me out of the room and down the hall. I found anxiety creeping into my chest as we waited for the elevator. I had been arguing so passionately with the hospital staff about whether or not I could see JJ that I hadn't stopped to think about what she would look like when I got there. I tried to block out the memories of her tied to our guest bed, tears snaking down her face toward the duct tape covering her mouth, but it was hopeless.

"Have you seen her?" I choked out.

"No, I only work on the eighth floor, I don't spend much time in the intensive care unit."

"Oh." The elevator doors opened, and she wheeled me inside. I worked on steadying my breathing as it began its ascent. The closer we got, the more frightened I became of seeing the woman I loved.

Finally, she stopped outside of a sliding glass door. She slid it open, nudging the curtain out of the way as well, and then brought me inside.

My breath caught in my chest. Every inch of JJ's beautiful face was marred, swollen, bruised. A tube was protruding from her mouth, taped into place, and an awful voice inside my head told me that it was the only thing keeping her breathing. If it wouldn't have been for the long, blonde hair I might have not recognized her. Esmerelda parked me next to the bed and I leaned forward, taking JJ's hand. I noticed long strips of white gauze wrapped neatly around both of her wrists.

"What happened here?" I asked hoarsely.

Esmerelda stepped to the end of the bed and picked up her chart, flicking through the sheets of paper. "It says… she has ligature marks on both wrists. What that means is that-"

"She was pulling against whatever they used to tie her hands, and it cut into her skin. I know." I raised her hand to my lips and kissed the cold skin. "Oh JJ. Oh my god."

"I'm going to… I'll be just outside. Hit the call button if you need me." She quickly stepped out, pulling the curtain closed. Tears began to stream down my cheeks. The steady beeping should have been reassurance that JJ wasn't dead, but I couldn't control my mounting panic that she was gone, that the person I had vowed to spend the rest of my life with had been torn away with me.

How would I possibly live without her?

XXX

I stayed at her bedside for hours, my head resting on her thigh, her hand clutched in mine. The position made my entire body ache but I didn't care; I never wanted to leave her side again. All too soon, however, Esmerelda came back in, quietly telling me it was time to return to my own room so that I could eat and rest.

"Please… can't I just stay here? I'm being released today so I'll be staying in here overnight. Can the doctor come do my exam in her room?"

"I'm sorry, but we need to return to the eighth floor. I can bring you back after you're discharged."

After I choked down more of the bland hospital food, I had my final check up and was released. True to her word, Esmerelda wheeled me to JJ's room, where a travel cot had been set up for me to stay.

For the first couple of hours, I sat in silence, but then my heart cracked open.

"I love you. God, you know that right? I know we've had our ups and downs over the years, but I've never stopped loving you. I can't… I can't do this without you, JJ. I need you by my side. With you, everything seems a little easier, I don't know how you do it. We… we have so much to do. You still haven't taken me hunting with your uncles, and I know I said I didn't want to go because it seems gross and heteronormative and violent, but I want to. I promise, I'll wake up before dawn and go with you guys, but please you have to come back. You have… You have to come back to me."

There was no response of course, just the shuffle of the ventilator and the steady beating of her heart, every bit as faithful and constant as JJ was.

"I don't… I don't know how anyone survives in this world without a Jennifer Jareau by their side. Please, just… come back to me."

The glass door opened and I turned to find Sandy Jareau. She stepped inside, her tears doubling as she laid eyes on her daughter. "Oh God. Oh Jenny." She hurried to the other side of the bed and reached out to cup her face but stopped herself. "What happened?"

I took a deep breath. "We're not quite sure. I cam home and found JJ… like this, upstairs. And when I went to get help I was pushed over the side of the stairs. I managed to call for help but they escaped. JJ had swelling in her brain so they induced the coma."

"So they can bring her out of it, right? If they did this then they can reverse it," JJ's aunt Gail came to stand behind Sandy, hugging her shoulders.

"They… think so. It was an emergency situation. They thought it was for the best, that this would be her best chance, but… there are risks."

"And where were you?" I wasn't prepared for the hard edge in Sandy's voice.

"I… I was at work. We had a presenter."

"I see," she sniffed.

"She didn't do this, San," Gail murmured.

I swallowed thickly. "If I had known… but we hadn't had any problems! I had no… no idea."

She glared at me for a moment before her face crumbled. "I know, I just… Oh my god, look at her. Look at my baby." She gently brushed a lock of blonde hair back. "My beautiful, strong girl. I don't understand how anyone could have gotten the jump on her, with the training you guys received at Quantico."

"Yeah, well three against one is hardly a fair fight," I spat bitterly. Both women looked up at me in horror at this new revelation.

There was a knock on the door and I hurriedly wiped at my eyes before turning. A man in a white lab coat was standing there. "Sorry to interrupt, but visiting hours are drawing to a close."

"But we just got here," Sandy begged.

"I'm sorry, you're more than welcome to come back in the morning at 9 am, but we do enforce the visiting hours pretty strictly."

Gail patted Sandy's shoulder. "JJ needs peace and quiet. We'll go to the hotel and come back in the morning."

"I can give you some good news before you go." He opened the file in his hands. "The swelling has gone down considerably, enough so that we've decided to begin weaning her off of the sedative tomorrow morning."

"Really?" I gasped.

He nodded. "Now there's no real timeline with these things. Generally, after Propofol is ceased, patients come around within hours or even minutes. But we've had to administer quite a bit of morphine to ease the discomfort of the ventilator, and with the extent of her injuries, I don't feel comfortable discontinuing the opiates. So it could take a little while, but I expect she should be awake tomorrow afternoon."

"That's excellent news," Sandy gasped right as Gail asked, "What are the extent of her injuries?"

The doctor glanced at me, then back at JJ's family. "We don't need to discuss them right now. But as I said, visiting hours begin at 9 am tomorrow."

He exited and Gail gave JJ a kiss on the cheek. As Sandy said goodnight, Gail came around and gave me a loose hug, trying to be gentle with the arm still residing in a sling. "Can we get you anything?"

"Actually, uh… I don't have anything, and the house is… still a crime scene. The hospital gave me these scrubs to wear, but as far as clothes, pjs, underwear… I have the shoes I was wearing when I was admitted. Maybe a toothbrush. I'm happy to give you money, I know it's a pain-"

"Don't even worry about it. You're family. We've got you." She stepped back and I was embraced by Sandy.

"Please call us if anything happens. Please, we'll be here in an instant."

"I will. I promise."

She pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "I'm sorry this happened," she whispered.

"I'm sorry, too."

They left and a nurse came in to check JJ's vitals. She turned to me when she was done. "Would you like me to help you into the bathroom?"

I sighed. There was no use in pretending like I could manage it on my own. "Thank you."

Thirty minutes later, I was settled onto the travel cot, a thin blanket pulled over me. I turned on my side the best I could so that I could look at JJ. In the dimmed lights, I could barely see the bruises from where I was. If I squinted, I could make believe that we were here under different circumstances, that she would be awake and smiling when I woke up.

If only that were true.


	6. Then: November 2, 2014

**(Another airport, another flashback chapter. A little shorter than normal, but here we go!)**

Then: November 2, 2014

"JJ." She didn't look up from the mug clasped in her hands. "JJ, please just talk to me."

"I don't know what to say." Her voice was flat and emotionless. I didn't know which was worse, this or the seething anger that would occasionally burst from her when I least suspected it. "What do you want from me?"

I smoothed my hair back from my face. "I don't… I just want to talk to you. Tell me what to do."

"What to do?" Incredulity had crept into her voice, and she gave her head a small, angry shake. "There's nothing you can do, unless you know how to go back in time. Can you do that, Emily?"

I flinched. "No. I can't."

"Then there's nothing I want from you," she spat.

"Please, I'm so sorry. I love you so much-"

"Stop." Her voice was strangled and raw. "Don't tell me that you love me when it's not true."

"It is!"

"It's not! You don't love me, and I'm starting to wonder if you ever did."

"That's not fair."

Her head whipped up to face me. "Not fair? Not fair to who, Em? Because from where I'm standing, one of us did the right thing, one of us upheld their vows, and one of us didn't." Tears gathered in her eyes even as anger pinched her features. "I've never been good enough for you."

The ache that had been residing deep in my gut for weeks intensified. "Of course you're good enough for me. If anything, you're too good."

"Just say what we both know! I didn't come from a well-bred family. My parents aren't diplomats. I didn't go to an Ivy league school. I've never measured up to you. I'll never be rich enough, I'll never be educated enough, and I'll never be gay enough for you, will I?"

Tears began to trail down my cheeks. "JJ, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too, Em. I'm sorry that I've had sex with men and actually enjoyed it. I'm sorry that I'm not attracted to just women. But I thought, I stupidly, naively thought, that the fact that I chose you, that I fucking married you, would prove to you that I love you. You, above everyone else, no matter…" she trailed off as sobs began to rack her body. "No matter what happened or who came along."

"JJ…" I tentatively sat next to her on the couch. "I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't mean anything, but-"

"Can you even imagine what this is like? Waking up every morning and getting punched in the stomach when I remember what you've done? Scanning the faces of every woman I see, wondering if she's next? Having to put up with our entire team giving me pathetic, pitying glances every time I walk in a room?"

I began to cry harder. "I'm sorry, Jayje-"

"That doesn't mean anything to me!" The words came out in a strangled scream, her coffee cup slipping from her fingers and shattering as she came to her feet. "I don't care how sorry you are! You have ruined our life. Do you realize that? Everything I loved and held dear, it's been destroyed. And why? Because you were 'sad.'" She pulled a face. "You were drunk and you were sad. Well what about now, Em? I'm sad. I'm fucking heartbroken. Does that mean that I get to go out and fuck another woman?"

I didn't know what to say, so I stayed silent. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. She wiped miserably at her face, but the tears were quickly replaced. Dark bags circled her eyes, she looked as if she hadn't slept in days. How had I managed to fuck things up so badly?

"You cheated on me. You had sex with another woman, another FBI agent, and everyone knows." she whispered. "I don't know… how I can possibly forgive you. I want to. I know that the only way we'll get through this is if I do. But I just can't believe that you would hurt me like this. Because… even as sad and hurt as I am right now, I still don't want anyone but you. I never have. Not since the first time we kissed."

"How can I make this up to you? Please. I'll do anything. We can go to therapy."

"We're obviously going to have to go to therapy," she said, rolling her eyes.

"What then? Tell me what to do." She opened her mouth to say something, then paused, staring at me. "What?"

"You have to resign from the FBI."

"What?" Now it was my turn to jump to my feet." "I can't quit my job, it's everything to me."

"I thought _I_ was everything to you."

I swallowed hard and averted my eyes from the grimace twisting her lips. "You really want me to quit?"

"We both have to. I can't keep walking into that building, knowing that you cheated on me in one of the file rooms. I won't fucking make it, Emily. I can't do it. And since you already cheated on me with me working in the same building, it's not like I can exactly trust you to stay faithful to me after I quit."

"JJ, you can't be serious."

"I'm deadly serious." I turned back to find her staring at me head on, her blue eyes shining furiously with tears. "You have to make a choice. Either me or the BAU."

"You know how important our work is-"

"Yeah. I do. Which is how you should know that I mean it. I'm quitting either way. Now you just have to decide if you're coming with me." She turned and walked out of the living room, leaving me to stare after her.


End file.
